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Friday, May 09, 2008
Hey hi everyone! It was a rather depressing day today, as it sees tears, downcast and damp faces....sigh, yup, I wasn't satisfied with my results either, and I knew my performance hadn't been that good after I finished that particular paper(s). So I guess I really had more time to prepare for it which was why I could accept my results that easily. For the first few days, I kept asking and pondering over the question "What would happen if I didn't do well?" . What could I do? The sensible answer would be: There's no point crying over split milk. I knew that, but it didn't keep me from worrying at all. Thereafter, I think I had burnt of lots of nervous energy pacing in the house and fretting over the anticipated marks which would definitely be far from expectations. Then, it suddenly became clear to me. Why don't I just take things in my stride, look at things from a wider perspective and accept things for what they are? I knew it was what I had to do, it was just that I could not bring myself to calm down. After I came to terms with facing up to my disappointment, it was so much easier the rest of the way. Facing up to such a disappointment is perhaps, a more excruciating process for us than for others, as we have always been told to HAVE to do BEST in the level, to HAVE to GET A1s, etc. There was so much peer pressure and pressure from my teachers that I had to face. It was almost suffocating.. However, what could I do more that could amend my results? Nothing. "Just relax," I told myself. "So what if you didn't do well this time round? It's alright.. You still have plenty of chances!" So I took that advice, and kept a smile on my face.=) What that was most important, was that I got through the hurdle I set for myself. If I had insisted that I NEED to do well, that getting more than and L1R5 of 10 wasn't acceptable, then I would have been rather sickly-looking by now=) It was getting pass my own expectations that mattered most in letting me face up to my own disappointment. Lower your expectations, and be happier. =) As for those who weren't exactly feeling great, (karen, laurie, rav, and others) letting your stress out would be a rather sensible choice to keeping up a facade and hide your raw emotions underneath, letting it swell up and consume you in time to come. I wish everyone all the best for the rest! There are some people I detest in the world: gossipers betrayers lie-spreaders and hypocrites I think you can't help it, but it is getting increasingly difficult for me to try not to increase my dislike for you as days pass by. It's one thing to hate me, but another to influence my other friends into behaving the same way. There is a good and bad side to everyone. I guess your negative feelings are more strongly seen by me. |
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