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Friday, June 06, 2008
As much as I wish to, I can't. No matter what, we have been once - you took your place in my heart, without it, I WILL feel vacant, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I will always think of you.All the years I have spent reading, I have never ever understood how authors could describe emotions hidden behind eyes, like for example, " I could see his hesitation behind his eyes." or "What I could see in his cobalt depths, were fierce flames of anger and hatred.". Now I do. When you look at me, when you train your eyes on me, it was as though I wasn't really there. Your eyes are blank, covered with a smoky veil, from which hides pits of fire. I do comprehend your feelings and emotions. I'm not sure if it's purely me, or another added fuel to fire. But you see, there was a song that went, "The scene that frightens me most, would be a picture without emotion." You hate me, and for that, you had shown me that you had loved me once, as a friend, and you still do. You may want to think I'm deceiving myself, or maybe I really am, just to relieve the pain I feel in my heart. You words pierce through like daggers, as I bleed rivers of red. Nonchalance shows on my face, while I fight the ferocious vultures that are nibbling at my heart, that brings me ever closer to the kiss of death. Endless tears beg to overflow my burdened lids, but yet my facade must go on. As tired as I am, as weary as I am, of always pretending to be happy even when what I really want to do is to break down and cry, I can't. I don't want the other person to see me crumble. I don't want the friends around me to ask endless questions like "Hey, what happened? Do you want to talk?". I can't return your care, or concern, when I'm so full of intense hurt. And I'll end up hurting everyone of you too. Thanks to all my friends, who filled up the gaping hole left behind, who made everything ever so much more bearable. Thanks for helping me, so that I didn't have to curl up and cry, alone. We met. We separate. We were friends. You are still mine. I won't forget you, nor the beautiful memories you left behind. I know nothing will ever be the same. I will place you in a beautiful chest, lined with satin and silk, and keep you safe forever. Henceforth, I close a chapter of my life. Farewell, Shar**. |
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